A Therapist Is A Good Idea, Right?
by TheNerdFrom4
Summary: The characters of THG have an intervention with Katniss about her bitchy problems and suggest a therapist. Katniss agrees on one condition, that they must take sessions too. Finnick and Gale are required to talk about their "abusive problems". Johanna is teaching Annie how to kick ass. Cato may be bipolar. And . . . Haymitch is a GLEEK?


**Katniss P.O.V.**

"You think I need WHAT?" I yell, taking a lamp in my harsh grasp and smashing it against the floor.

I'm standing in the living room surrounded by sixteen people that I've had the pleasure and displeasure of knowing. Prim, Rue, Finnick, Annie, Gale, Peeta, Thresh, Cinna, the people that I'm far from hating. Clove, Cato, Glimmer, Marvel, Snow, people who I would most definitely swing an axe at. Haymitch, Johanna, and Effie are somewhere in the middle. I've already gotten over the fact that most of them are supposed to be dead, but no set of words in the English language can come close to describing what they have just told me.

"Yes, Katniss, we want you to see a therapist," says Prim calmly.

"WHY? There's nothing wrong with me!" I protest.

Okay, scratch that. There are many, many things wrong with me, but are they so horrible that I must see some guy with a clipboard who just wants to find things screwed up about me so that he can get more money?

Finnick says, "See, Katty Kat, that's one of your problems. You're in denial."

"You're one to talk, Finnick! You haven't taken your eyes off your reflection since you got here!" I shriek at him.

"Uh ah, girl! Don't go yelling at my man like that! Who do think you're talking to? We can get it popping, you ratchet ass hoe!"

Everyone in the room turns to look at Annie Cresta in shock. Her voice was loud and obnoxious, like one of those ghetto girls that always make an appearance on the shameful Jerry Springer show. No one would've expected this to come from Annie's mouth.

Annie shrugs. "Why are you guys staring at me?" This time her voice is normal.

"Annie, um, where did you learn to speak like that?" Finnick asks.

Johanna Mason smiles. "It was me. I've taken her under my wing." Johanna wraps her arm around Annie and draws her in close.

"Why? She was perfectly fine the way she was," says Finnick.

"Because, Finnick, dear, you come across to me as an abusive spouse. A woman-beater, if you will. So, if you ever lay a finger on Annie, she will kick your ass."

"But I'm not a woman-beater!" says Finnick, stomping his foot. "Gale Hawthorne is! God forbid Katniss chooses him over Peeta!"

"Finnick, shut the hell up," says Gale calmly.

"Hey, hey, hey, everyone!" Prim cries. "Let's not forget why we're here!"

Prim turns to me and gently strokes my cheek. Her touch causes my lips to curve up into a smile. My sweet little sister. Surely, she doesn't agree with what they're saying about me. Just watch. In a few minutes they'll all be cowering at her feet as she shrieks threats at them for insulting her dear older sister.

"Have something to tell me, Prim?" I ask.

Prim nods and says, "Yes, you're a hormonal bitch and you need therapy, take it from your little sister. We're all trying to help you get out of your bitchiness."

I feel my eye twitch. I have to use every ounce of control I possess to keep myself from striking her down right now in front of everybody.

I rise up from the couch and go full Santana Lopez on all of these bitches. "OH NO, Y'ALL DID NOT JUST MAKE MY LITTLE SISTER SAY THAT! YOU WANT KNOW TO WHAT I THINK? WELL, FINNICK, TRY GOING FIFTEEN MINUTES WITHOUT LOOKING AT YOUR REFLECTION AND SEE HOW BITCHY YOU GET! RUE, CATO, CLOVE, GLIMMER, THRESH, CINNA, MARVEL, YOU'RE ALL SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD! Well, Rue, you can be alive if you want to. You too, Thresh. And you, Cinna. ANYWAY, GLIMMER, AS NICKI MINAJ WOULD SAY, YOU'RE A STUPID HOE! CATO, YOU'RE A RUTHLESS, HEARTLESS, BACK-STABBING, SON OF A BITCH! CLOVE, YOU'RE JUST—YOU'RE JUST _COMPLETELY, HORRIBLY AWFUL!_ MARVEL, YOU GOT THE GALL TO SAY I NEED THERAPY WHEN YOU KILLED A TWELVE-YEAR-OLD GIRL? Cinna, I can't really find anything wrong with you. EFFIE, THE HUNGER GAMES ARE NOT A HAPPY OCCASION! IT IS A BRUTAL, TERRIBLE, INHUMAN CONTEST THAT TAKES KIDS AWAY FROM THEIR PARENTS AND THEIR LIVES BACK HOME, YET YOU RUN AROUND TREATING THE GAMES LIKE IT'S FUCKING EASTER! HAYMITCH, STOP DRINKING! JUST STOP! Annie, I actually like you, a lot, but I think Johanna's a bad influence. AND, JOHANNA, DON'T EVEN GET ME _STARTED _ON YOU!"

When I'm finished ranting I exhale deeply. Wow, that probably required more energy than hunting. After a few moments of silence, Finnick says in a calm voice, "Yes, we know we have problems, too. But you, Katniss, are an emotional ass bitch. And you just need to shut your vagina up sometimes and _relax_."

I let out a growl so loud that I'm sure people in the Capitol can hear me. "Fine! But if I take therapy sessions, you guys have to take therapy sessions, too!"

Johanna shrugs. "Okay. Whatever."

Haymitch says, "How bad can _therapy_ be?"

Ugh. Some of these people make me sick.

**A/N: PLEASE READ! Well, I know I'm working on "25 Awkward Conversations With Peeta Mellark" (go give that a look, by the way), but I thought this idea was good so I just HAD to put it up! By the way, the word "ratchet" means something/someone that is either trashy, trampy, slutty, annoying, idiotic, or all five, especially in the way someone dresses or the way something/someone looks. For example, if your classmate came into class wearing green sneakers, a rainbow outfit, brown gloves, purple knee-high or calf-high socks, and his/her hair looked a mess, one would find the word "ratchet" appropriate to describe him/her. If you still don't understand, go to YouTube, type in "Ratchet Girl Anthem", and watch either video (one is a video with the boys who made the songs and the other is a music video with the boys dressed as ratchet girls). Also, my best guy friend sometimes says "Shut your vagina up", so I have to give him credit in this for being so funny. I graduated this year. I AM GONNA MISS THOSE GUYS SOOOOOOO MUCH! *mentally sobbing***

**Hoped you enjoyed! Don't forget to review, or Annie will curse you out. Lol :). I'm serious. Oh, and, yes, I have always thought that if Gale got married to Katniss, he would be abusive. Am I only the one who thought/thinks that? Oh, and some girl on YouTube who was reviewing the "Hunger Games" movie called Katniss a hormonal bitch, and I agreed with her. (Sorry, Katniss-lovers, she's great and brave and stuff, but sometimes she really is a hormonal bitch)**


End file.
